How To Choose A Gift Using The 5 Love Languages
One of the things that challenges a lot of people is the question “How do I pick out or give the right gift?” There is a wise man named, Dr. Gary Chapman. He is most known for his wildly popular book called The Five Love Languages. You may have already either read this book or heard about it. If you have not, I highly recommend this book.
If you are not familiar with the Love Languages, let me sum it up quickly. This theory, which is profoundly accurate, states that everyone has a specific love language. This is the way we receive love or how we feel loved. Everyone will fall into 1 of 5 categories, which are:
Acts of service: this is when someone does favors for you, perhaps preparing dinner, or helping you with errands.
Physical Touch: holding hands, being hugged or kisses. If general physical affection makes you feel loved then this is your love language.
Words of affirmation: being praised, complemented, being told you are loved, acknowledgment of your strengths or effort.
Gift Giving: receiving flowers, a card, gifts of any size. Often people who have this love language feel most loved when their significant other takes time during their day to stop and pick up something thoughtful for them, even like a favorite dessert or something. It shows them that this person knows them, and thinks of them.
Quality Time: If quality time is your love language than just being with that person makes you feel cared for and loved. When your loved one makes sure to make adequate time in their schedule to spend it with you, it makes you feel like a priority and loved. Without quality time you might find yourself feeling disconnected and unimportant to that person.
How do I know what my love language is?
If you’re not sure what your love language is, don’t worry, we’ve included the PDF of the quiz you can take to find your love language. It’s rather fascinating. It’s actually a really quick test. I just did it before I wrote this just to make sure it is quick and efficient. You can find out what your primary and secondary love language is in under 10 minutes.
What you need to know for these gift-giving tips to be helpful is, what is the love language of your significant other, your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, the person you’re trying to give a gift to? While you certainly can adapt some of these to other people like friends or your kids, this article is focusing primarily on the significant others since that’s a really important person to buy for!
One of the five love languages, as noted above, is actual gifts. This article is not going to be the most helpful for that one. I’m going to focus more on the others, but I will spend a little bit of time on people with the love language of gift giving.
For a lot of you, you have a partner who either their primary or secondary love language is physical touch. So, this doesn’t mean you get to put a bow on your head and say “Hey, let me give you a hug, that’s your gift!” What it means is, let’s think intentionally about how to maybe give a gift to someone whose primary love language is physical touch. This article is to get you to identify what love language your partner is and then really think deeply about them. Check yourself to see if you have been expressing your love for them, in their love language or has it been your own language?
It’s really important to note that in relationships:
If you’re not speaking that person’s language, you could think you’re giving love (usually we give love in the ways we want love, our own love language) and they might not ever really feel loved because they didn’t receive that message as it’s not their language. Yes, I know it can seem very confusing to learn to love someone differently than the way you are programmed to express love. You may you love the heck out of someone, giving love the only way you know how, but if it’s not THEIR love language they’re never going to feel it the way you assume they should. It can cause a lot of frustration between couples, that’s for sure. That’s why leaning their love language is a really great tool for a successful relationship.
Let’s dive in now. I’ll go through each love language, explain a bit and then give some ideas for the gifts. You can skip through to the paragraph of the love language of your partner if you like as I have divided them into easy sections.
A person with physical touch love language needs to be touched or hugged, receive physical touch. Oftentimes we get that confused a little bit with our significant others. Some will think it just means sexual touch, sexual touch can be great, but we also want to incorporate other means of physical affection. Don’t just assume that means just having sex with them. It also means nonsexual physical touch. Physical touch means to give them hugs, make sure you hold their hand that you also put your arm around them or give them non-sexual physical touch. Don’t forget to also do this when you’re in public places. If you’re sitting in church, you’re going to a movie, you’re just riding in the car, you’ll want to be affectionate often so they can feel your love in the way they understand it most. You want to reach over and hold their hand. That will be very meaningful to someone whose love language is physical touch but also you can give gifts to those that don’t cost anything.
Gifts for Physical Touch
Make a little booklet or you can even buy these too. Usually, a hallmark shop or card shop, or you can find some online. You’ll want to find some blank coupon books or pre-printed ones that fit the mood. You can purchase these or If you’re really crafty, you can physically write each one out. If not, you can use your computer and the Internet to help you make these little coupons but make coupons for things like a shoulder rub, a scalp massage, a foot rub, and all of them involve some sort of meaningful physical touch. This is great if you’re looking for something low-cost.
If you have a bigger budget, actually give them a coupon or a gift certificate for a massage for something that involves physical touch. People who generally have a primary love language of physical touch tend to really like things that feel comforting and soothing on the skin, things that have that sort of, physical and sensual touch. So think about soft, cozy, comfy, something that feels wonderful against the skin for a gift. A really super soft robe, cashmere gloves, soft, cozy pair of pajamas. Something that just feels really comfortable. Maybe your loved one would like silk pajamas or maybe just fuzzy, furry, wonderful, cozy anything! Make sure this is your focus when gift giving to someone with physical touch as their primary love language.
This is really important in this can be done again, on a budget. We’re talking about some things that cost no money to give, that is, set aside time to spend with that person. That means saying, “I’m going to set aside an evening or maybe even a whole day to spend with you. What would you like to do?” Spending quality time with that person means you being with them, but it also means a shared experience. A date night, it might be going to a special restaurant.
Not only are you spending time with your significant other on a date, because remember, quality time for this person doesn’t just mean you say, Hey, I’m giving you tickets to go see this movie or this show. It means I’m going to go with you to do this thing. Even though this might be something that you’re not that excited about and you don’t love doing it that much. When you give them quality time doing something that wouldn’t exactly be your first choice but you know it’s something they really enjoy, it makes that gift even more significant. When they know this, then they really feel appreciated and loved that you would spend your time with them and also doing something with them they wouldn’t ordinarily choose first to do.
Words of Affirmation
This is really important and it can be very profound and gift giving. How exactly do you give words of affirmation? First of all, consider taking the time to write a letter. Write a letter to this person about all the things you love about them, what they mean to you. If you’re a creative person, you can take that letter and turn it into something like a poem, a song, but it should involve something about that person. What I love about you, what I admire about you, what I love most about spending time with you, but find the words to express what that person really means to you. Now I know that can be really challenging for some of you. So if you are not a poet yourself, you really love this person, but it can be really hard to put into words what’s in your heart. Well, listen, to write a letter or a poem, you can cheat a little bit here.
Go online, find a poem that really captures the essence of that person. Instagram is also a really great place to find inspiring quotes or poetic sayings that you can relate to in your relationship with that person. You can also look up some words. You can maybe find a and borrow the words of someone else in actually expressing your feelings, but makes sure it comes from the heart and that expresses what you love or value about that person. Also, people who have the love language, words of affirmation might love words and the importance and meaning of special words. Those words can be on a shirt or a sweater or coffee mugs. It can be on a piece of jewelry or even a piece of art. Now, you just happened to be in luck if your loved one has a love language of words of affirmation because right now in the marketplace, these words are really big in fashion and jewelry and the meaning behind them as they are.
It can be something encouraging, like “you are beautiful” (We have a shirt on Unique-Goods here.). It can be something about your feelings for them. Another place you can find inspiration is on Youtube. If you search for songs, often you can find videos that show the lyrics with the songs. Find a song that expresses what you feel in your heart about that person and then take the lyrics and put that in a letter, a card, a text message or make a video or voice recording of yourself saying these words. Dedicate a song to this person, as words of affirmation are what makes this person feel loved by you.
One thing I’m seeing a lot of is shirts and pajamas with, “I love you to the moon and back.” That’s often what we say to our children or young people in our life, but that can be a great message for someone you love. So think about looking up those shirts, pajamas, pieces of art to sit around the house, something that has powerful, meaningful words on it if their love language is words of affirmation.
Acts of service
This is also a really easy one to give gifts to. You, yourself, for no money at all, can do something meaningful to a person. For a person whose love language is acts of service, it can range from anything from doing household chores to doing something that they have on their to-do list, just to help them with time when they’re really busy or stressed out. It can be simple things like taking the dogs for a walk or scoop the cat litter boxes. It can be cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes for a week. Again, those little coupon books would work well for doing things that help them out. This time though, it’s not for physical touch. It’s for those things around the house and really pitching in to do for that person. They can use those little coupons whenever they need them, when they’re feeling stressed out or when they’re overwhelmed. Other ideas might be things like taking their car to the car wash, cleaning it out inside, running errands for them, helping them respond to work emails, make medical appointments for them, helping them organize their schedule and calendar. For whom their love language is acts of service, doing meaningful things for them will successfully translate your love for them.
Also, know that there are things that you can do that do cost money, that is really meaningful for people that need acts of service. Say you have more money than time. You could hire someone to come and clean that person’s house. Maybe it’s pet sitting services. Maybe it’s something that when you two go out, you can pay for that and it would be a great service to that person.
Well, let me explain a little about people whose love language is gifts. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It doesn’t have to be a big gift. What is really important is number one, you’re thinking about them because for people whose love language is gifts, there is a deeper meaning behind a gift for them. It’s the time you took to think about them and that you know them well enough to know what they would like. This is the reason someone with gift giving as their love language feels loved. Now, you’ll need to know a few things about your significant other. I hope you already do, but these are a few questions that you have to ask and retain. You need to know their favorite color or colors and what kind of things they love. You need to know what they don’t like at all. You need to know things like, especially if it’s a female, her favorite flower, if it’s a man, his favorite sports team, you need to know what is their favorite TV show that they like to watch? What’s their favorite food? What do they love for snacks? What do they love for meals? What do they love in terms of movies or things like that, that will help you buy the right gift. Because for a person whose love language is gifts, it’s not just about buying stuff and it’s not about the material things I know that’s sounds crazy as the name of the language IS GIFTS but as I said, it goes much deeper than that.
It’s about #1 Do you know me? Do you listen when I talk about my likes and dislikes? And #2, will you take the time to think about me?
It doesn’t have to be big gifts. And in fact, let me recommend something. If your loved one has the gift-giving love language, spread out the budget and give them something special every day during the whole month of a special day such as a birthday, anniversary or better yet the holiday season.
A gift could be something as simple as a writing pen. Let’s say your significant other loves anything unique, and specific color. You know there is this cool little shop that always has unique things and it’s on the way home from work. Even though you’re tired, you make a quick stop and see a neat looking pen for a couple of dollars. You come home from work and you hand your loved one a little gift bag. If their love language is gift giving, just one looked at that little gift bag will make their entire face light up. It tells them that you thought about them today.
Yes you can buy just a pen, but make sure this does come from your heart. When it’s something thoughtful on your end, it will be meaningful to that person as it will no doubt represent something that they like. It would be really meaningful to them that you took the time and energy to pick out something. Again, it can be small!! Something like their favorite candy bar! If you know their favorite brand or flavor of tea you can easily come up with some thoughtful and sweet gifts. This lets them know each day that you’re thinking about them.
Hopefully these little ideas gave you a little bit an inspiration for showing the person you love, how much you love them in a more meaningful way. For a litte more infomation about the Gift Giving People you can click here for a short article I wrote about this.
Hey, before you go, if you found this helpful, or you really liked it, Please share this article with your friends, or better yet, your significant other! Dont forget to download the PDF test first! 💜